Chapter 7
Loosening the Reins (You've earned more freedom)
As kids get older, they should earn more freedom. This is especially true if they prove themselves trustworthy by doing what you say. The rule in my house is that I will start off trusting you. If you maintain that trust, you will have lots of privileges. However, if you betray my trust, you will have to earn it back, and that will take a while.
So the time will come when you loosen the reins, so to speak, with your children. A teenager deserves more freedom simply because of experience than a nine-year-old.
 However, don't forget that there are lots of temptations in the world, and this certainly applies to the world's medium known as the internet. So don't get carried away with granting freedoms.
I have a friend whose eighteen-year-old daughter is in college. She is also still living at home. She knows that Dad have the right to log into her email account and check out what she's been up to.
Now that may seem overly restrictive. But it's the law. In reality, he hasn't checked out her email in many months. But she knows that he reserves the right. They have an understanding.
I recommend the same situation with your children. For example, checking browser histories may be a daily thing for you at first, but as your kids work to gain your trust, you may go weeks without doing so. Commend your children for being trustworthy, and let them know that you are no longer checking the websites they visit every day. But make sure they you know that you ARE checking them on occasion.
Another situation where your kids may be allowed to "spread their wings" is in loosening the restrictions on parental software. See Chapter 4 for more details.
Increasing time allowed online may be a good idea, or it may not. Use your discretion here, depending on how prone your kids are to getting "addicted."
If you have forbidden chatting up to this point, your now older and wiser children might be allowed to give this medium a try. Regardless of your trust, they should only be allowed to go to well-monitored rooms.
Instant messaging is different from chatting. It is a direct communication to someone you know, rather than an anonymous interaction with individuals in one confined area. Many parents feel comfortable letting their kids do IM's, as long as they see who's in their buddy list. Local friends of your kids whose parent allow them online are great IM buddies.
Use additional privileges as an incentive. Let your kids know that their good, trustworthy behavior will be rewarded periodically. And of course they should also understand that such freedoms will be quickly removed if they abuse them.
Your goal is to raise adults who will have a proper, mature view of what the internet is and what it can be used for. By the time your kids are grown up, the 'net will have grown into something far beyond what it is now. Loosen the reins periodically (but not too much) to reward them for growing up well.
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